It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, due to the craziness that is my life. Spring Break was last week and I spent it at home in Wichita with the famdamily. My dad stopped being awkward around me and my step-mom returned to her crazy ways with me. My mom and I actually had a deep conversation about me (which is truly saying something, seeing as she and I never had a relationship). We discussed whether I’m really bi or gay. She gave me a scenario: if I were to see an attractive hetero couple, which person do I look at first? I look at the male first.
Funny/ironic story time:
On St. Patty’s day, I went over to my friend’s apartment for a party after I got off work. I had class the next morning so I didn’t drink. It was a sausage fest. While I was smoking and conversating with some of my friends on the balcony, we convinced the drunken neighbors to join our party. These five girls brought six more guys. All of the guys (save for me) were trying to get in the girls’ pants. Meanwhile, I was just sitting back and watching them make fools out of themselves. I played it cool. Throughout the evening, I was talking with one of the girls. She was quite inebriated bordering shit show, but she was pretty cool. She told me that she was socially awkward, like me. Right before I left, I told her that it was a pleasure meeting her. She beckons me, whispers in my ear that it was really good to meet me. I told her that I didn’t have to go just yet. We started to make out. Then we went down to her apartment to make out some more.
The whole time we were making out, I kept thinking to myself, “Oh, if she only knew that she was making out with a gay guy.” Not to say that I didn’t enjoy it (I love making out), but I would’ve enjoyed it more if I was making out with a guy instead. I didn’t have sex with her (even if I was straight I still wouldn’t. I hate meaningless sex. Plus, I was stone-cold sober and she was plastered; it would be almost like date-rape). I went back to my friend’s and everyone was congratulatory. I did feel like a badass. Here’s the funny/ironic thing: the only person to get ANY kind of action was the gay guy. My friend told me that while I was making out with Drunkie, ALL of the guys were pissed. They all knew that I recently came out to my parents. They said things like, “I don’t understand! He just came out to his parents! What is this fuckery?!” I just think it’s hilarious.
There is a point to this story. I needed that night for two reasons:
1.) I haven’t had any kind of intimacy since November
2.) I was trying to find out if I was truly bi or truly gay. That night was like the nail in my coffin. I am gay.
Other than that, my life’s been pretty boring. Just working and classing. Until next time (hopefully I’ll post a story or something)